Sure. We dont sign up for certain catastrophes in life. I understand why one might feel this way to be honest. Wont hurt to text them back if alls forgiven and forgotten. A part of me feels like I need to give him closure and I'm not sure how? When your ex reached out, your ex was focusing solely on the present moment and merely wanted your understanding, reassurance, encouragement, and compassion. I was living about 1.5 hours away at the time, had moved away even before our break-up. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. These details seem very random, especially when she would send me this out of the blue after so long. In that case, having a quick chat on Instagram wont be such a bad idea. It can be confusing when your ex reaches out after years because you dont know what their motives are. But if youve received an adequate amount of closure after breaking up with them and actually have been able to move on, it could be easier to respond or even ignore the text. I'd been warm and affectionate with him, but except during sex (we were each others first), I never said I loved him. When you first start dating, it's normal for him to only text when you're making plans together. On the contrary, the partner who initiated this breakup would get a reality check. You were important to each other once. When an ex contacts you years later, how you take it, how you feel about it, and how you react to it will all pretty much depend on how well you have healed from it, says Jaseena, If the ex had exited without closure or ghosted you, youre probably going to be in a whirlwind of emotions when you receive this text. I'm ashamed to say I panicked and hid. Its imperative that you learn why your ex reached out after so many years so that you know what to do with your ex. First, it helps normalize our experience and our feelings. The most harmless case might be that your ex-partner is just checking in on you to learn how you are doing in life. When your ex reaches out after a long period of time, odds are they've changed. If one of my exes reached out to me years after the break-up Id know that their personal lives have become a great disappointment and now theyre reevaluating what they foolishly threw away years before. But he wasn't thrilled about it, but we all agreed to never meet in person. later: Unfortunately, the knowledge that youre there still pining away for them (whether your are or not) can be just the springboard that they need to feel good about themselves. It was two years since the end of the relationship this September and I feel like I have wasted two years of my lifetime. TL;DR: Yes, because our break-up needed closure. It was like a weight lifted. It was like a weight lifted. We were together for about 5 years until she broke it off. If youve healed, youre not going to overthink too much. The tests may show that the baby is active and healthy, and the amount of amniotic fluid is . Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window), My Ex Is With Someone Else But Still Contacts Me, decide if you want to be friends with your ex, They return because their life doesnt go according to plan, what to do when your ex contacts you years later, when an ex boyfriend contacts you years later, when an ex girlfriend contacts you years later, When A Guy Cries At The Thought Of Losing You. 2. Dont let your ex pull the strings on you just for the sake of finding closure. Theres a chance she wants you back, but be careful about that. He tried to hint that he was looking for an affair and then I blocked him. later: 1. AM, has an ex ever reached out to you years later? How did the - Reddit hat would hurt him? She reached out a few years ago but she didn't really make any effort to apologize and kind of half-asses the friendship now. You're finally feeling like yourself again and putting yourself back out there, when, like clockwork, your ex reaches out to you. If you are looking for an explanation, ask for it. After no contact doesn't mean that your ex reaches out after 30, 35, 60, or any number of days. Your life will probably look a lot different now to when you were with your ex. And this isn't just a one year anomaly either. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. They were also more likely . This is particularly common with exes who feel stifled in the relationship, and as though they were missing out on something else by being with you. Part of the need to re-connect is driven by the ambiguous threat of the pandemic and, practically speaking, part of it is likely due to the greater number of hours of alone time that we may feel the need to fillto get our minds off our own circumstances, in some cases, and focus on something more positive, or at least feel like were doing something to support someone else. A host of questions must be bothering you to the core: Why do exes come back after leaving for someone else? Something is often wrong when an ex comes back into the picture years later. Her requirements werent clear and she wanted me to make suggestions about what to do, but her first question was: I dont know if you want us to go back to before, where we are living in separate places?. He or she controls everything up until the point when he or she suggests a certain type of relationship. 11 Simple Ways to Respond when an Ex Reaches Out - wikiHow So, depending on that, choose if you want to keep any contact with your ex. You live separate lives now and he needs to respect that. "You can't compare the person who you experienced a first or early love with to someone who you've had a deep abiding love with for many years through the course of a . That's an interesting angle I did not consider, I'm glad it helped! But other times, a conversation with your ex can also provide your ex with an opportunity to: When your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend contacts you years later, your ex finally gets over the anger, disgust, contempt, or suffocation caused by unhealthy perceptions and becomes okay with talking with you. Dumpers just dont care if youve changed or not because when they reach out, they have no expectations of you and still see you the way they saw you prior to the breakup. As mentioned, they may just be contacting you to see how you are. I'd be more likely to reach out to his wife and apologize for not seeing sooner how hurt she was, and that I was being selfish (I was, entirely). Absolutely nothing, your ex doesnt have an ulterior motive. Somepossible reasonsfor rekindling the relationship include regretting the break-up, the ex is a better partner, and they were soul mates. Although your ex could want you back, its much more likely that he or she will just want to find out how you feel about him/her and try to learn what youve been up to. Thank you Zan for your perspective. Instead, it was their feelings about their ex and about the breakup that predicted contact: People were more likely to communicate with exes they still had feelings for. Besides, you have no way of knowing whether your ex will be forthcoming and candid in their response. In such situations, it is important to understand that the ex is texting when the ex feels like it. Don't get comfortable and slide back into old habits. Sometimes, I want to reply but my partner is visibly upset about it, so I havent so far. We are on opposite sides of the Country now which makes it hard, but not impossible. What do you think? Out of curiosity: if you ever reached out to an ex boyfriend/ girlfriend/ husband/ wife years later: what did you want out of it? The grass looks greener, so your ex skates out into the wild world of dating to find someone who ALSO has quirks, hangups and is generally human just like you are. Unless your ex-partner was an abuser, listen to what theyve got to say before deciding how to handle the situation. Theres no generic advice on what to do when your ex contacts you after years. But apparently it has haunted him for 12 years enough to find me and ask. He or she can take their pain and sorrow away and give them what they need to feel safe and comfortable. If you were in an abusive relationship, the best thing to do when your ex reaches out is not to respond. Is there any ulterior motive? But if youre with someone else and feel happy, you can respond and see what triggered his nostalgia. Exes reach out for a lot of reasons, and wanting a relationship again might be one of them. Before we talk about what to do when an ex reaches out after no contact, we need to discuss what "after" means. PostedMay 1, 2020 Reaching Out to Old Flames and Former Friends - Psychology Today You are right that there probably isn't a deeper meaning t9 it. On the other hand, if theyre calling because they want to get back together, youll need to think carefully about that. What To Do When An Ex Contacts You Years Later - Bonobology.com ), I reached out 1-2 weeks ago (2-years later), got no response. When an ex contacts you years later, talk to someone about it, 5. His or her inquiries, requests, or demands, as well as the approach and attitude your ex chooses will soon reveal why your ex contacted you after so many years. I feel bummed and embarrassed but nothing I could do. A year later one of his fraternity brothers reached out and let me know how he was doing and "he's really sorry for the pain he inflicted, can't you forgive him?" Closure, like forgiveness, is something you do for yourself. Pro tip: Keep your mind open and your heart closed. 7. The first time he reached out, he called me a monster because I aborted a pregnancy I had with him when I was 15. I dont know many adults in choir so I knew it would be best to stay in contact with them. The next time was about 5 years after that. Very small group of 3,500 so chance of me seeing a message from her I worked out was like 20 million to one. First off, it's good to pause before responding. In fairness, you were in your teens when you got together, and they were clueless about relationships. Wish him good luck. Unanticipated, unasked, over five years later. IDK how that benefits anyone in the situation. Why Do Exes Contact You Out Of The Blue? 13 Reasons! I sent an ex a sincere apology letter. It was important and felt good. When an ex contacts you, you need to weigh the pros and cons practically. When an ex contacts you years later, make sure you dont actively try to turn it into a guilt trip for them. My husband gave me the grace to get extremely needed closure with him. In fact, it can help minimize our own sense of anxiety. You havent heard from your ex in years, and theyre contacting you out of nowhere. Theres also a chance that your partner has asked what youd do if your ex resurfaced. So, you spent three sleepless nights wondering about their true intention behind a simple Hi. My ex has reached out to me a handful of times over the last 15 years. There is simply no need to reconnect with him now that youre married and doing well. She said, Wow, instant reply. They are Feeling Lonely. The ill-fated lets be friends cliche is still alive and well. After thinking about it long and hard, your ex decides tore-establish contactand tell you how sorry they are. 13 Easy Ways to Date an Ex After Years Apart - wikiHow He mentioned catching up and I respectfully declined, immediately established the limit. In addition, we might reach out to friends who have been there before, and dealt with a life-altering event. It takes more energyemotional and physicalto make a phone call or video call than it does to send a text or "like" a social media post. However, video calls are especially meaningful when someone is totally isolated or when grandkids or more than one person is at one end of the phone. We all think back and wonder why it what if or how different have I become? Anywho, all of this is to say that I haven't had a good experience with an ex trying to reach out. You may hold beliefs about anger, such as: Nice . Whats sad is during a 2.5 year separation period I had no idea how she felt. Turns out, we have thought about each other since and by the time she realised, was too late as I had married the next women I went out with. This isnt the time to look for alternative sources of happiness. Decide whether to reach out to an ex or maintain distance based on A voice can calm us down and we can catch so much more meaning when listening to anothers inflection, tone, rate of speech that texts will never allow even with the latest set of emojis! My ex had these things to say to me after our relationship had ended over five years earlier. How Did You Feel When Your Ex Reached Out to You? When an ex contact you years after the breakup, your ex wants to get something from you. I felt that she was just trying to ease her guilt rather than anything else, and it wasnt my job to do that. I dont care why youre reaching out now. Reaching out to an ex after months or years later. Thank you for your article very insightful. You DO NOT have to maintain a protocol, thinking that itll be too rude to not reply. What if the ex just wants to hook up and would want to do it with someone familiar rather than a stranger? You are not the first one to deal with this adverse state of affairs. This is super interesting as information. Just a comment on the "closure" part of Your post: no you don't. When your ex girlfriend reaches out after a long time of no contact, the emotions come back, old passions flare, and your brain starts spinning around wondering what the heck you should do. He cheated on me more than once and I developed trust issues. When were facing something scary, we do like to hear about people whove survived a similar threat or something even worse. Dont make up stories when your partner asks you, Why would an ex contact you years later? Be honest and tell them the truth about what your ex has texted you.