It took one afternoon on the golf course. Hank Aaron, owner of 755 home runs and one amazing golf quote. Sam Snead, Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. 4. If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it. Gene Sarazen, 22. Pick your favorite one from more than 86 quotes about funny golf with images and use it wherever you like. A great shot is when you pull it off. Keep your sense of humor. Why don't golfers ever eat pie? I stepped on a rake. Here is a list that I have compiled over the years of my some of my favorite golf quotes. Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. The worst day of mini golf beats the best day of work. After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin, and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin. The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes. putt." 20. In a way, this quote is a stand-in for the entire volume of comedic wit and great golf quotes in Caddyshack. Why not! There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. On the final hole, the match was all even and one of the wives had a long, breaking, fifteen-foot putt to win the match. The other 20. Im a friend and all Im going to do is give it a nice little ride. Sam Snead, 35. Nuts! I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. Joe Tessitore, The least thing upset him on the links. Many golfing terms sound naughty. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. Are you a water hazard? He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. Discover and share Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. What is a golfers favorite bird? In golf as in life, it is the follow through that makes the difference. Anonymous, 34. That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! What do golf and sex share in common? Chip Shot. What did Chamillionaire say when he came in a stroke under par? It will dazzle and baffle you with highs and lows, successes and frustrations. Amy Alcott, 18. In case he gets a hole in one. When is it too wet to play golf? If it is the dirty element that gives pleasure to the act of lust, then the . What kind of model is Paige Spiranac? A dinner without wine. What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? Americans infatuated with golf established country and golf clubs, built ornate clubhouses, laid out inland park courses, experimented with new types of equipment, and even modified time-honored rules. Knock, knock Sir W.G. Golf?! Learn More. That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? Where is the best place to go on vacation? David Brenner, For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. That's why I'm hoping you, Bleacher Report readers, will add some of your own content in the comments. No matter how badly you play, always remember its possible to play even worse. Furthermore, the old man moves along without wasting any time. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." They dont have the heart for it. What did Master Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? I've been playing golf all day and would love to make you my 19th hoe. Lorii Myers, Long, long afterward, in a whin / I found the golf-ball, black as sin / But the five shillings are missing still! Tahiti who? And maybe that same element inspires the poets, writers and artists to pay homage to golfor at least lament its cruelty. P.G. Wodehouse, A great golfers mtier is his or her golfing skill, coupled with the mastery of good sportsmanship, rendering him or her an ambassador for the sport. It was glorious when you did! If you break 80, watch your business.". Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton, 63. Tahiti. I like big putts and I cannot lie. Answer: Roarin Mcilroy. The next minute youre hemorrhaging. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them. Roy Tin Cup McAvoy, the greatest that never was. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. Brent Musberger, If you break 100, watch your golf. Andrew Barton Paterson, A boss once told me, Colleen, its not about the meeting, its about the scotch after the meeting. Originally posted by raffa nunyez. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world." "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". Theres enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game youre supposed to enjoy. Amy Alcott, 15. A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. Why dont skeletons play golf? Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you cant improve your lie. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. - Bobby Jones Please accept the terms of our newsletter. -Happy Gilmore. Funny Golf Quotes You know you're on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do. If you win through bad sportsmanship, thats no real victory. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 11. The greatest single lesson to be learned from golf is mental discipline. Louise Suggs, 51. Ben Hogan, Golf has some drawbacks. Days when you just dont have it, you dont pack it in, you give it everything youve got. No, but I'm willing to screw in them. Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings. At the golf corpse! What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.". What did the golfer say to the hip hop dancer? If you dont take it seriously, its no fun, if you do, it breaks your heart. A guy will spend 10 minutes trying to find his lost golf ball. My shaft is bent. Guys will spend at least 5 minutes looking for a golf ball. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. 69 Best Dirty Quotes For Him | Her | Kinky | Funny | Sayings - TryTutorial Why don't golfers in England work in the afternoon? And there are windmills. And three, have a passion for what youre doing. Juli Inkster, 28. 65 Best Golf Quotes for Inspiration and Motivation I like big putts and I cannot lie. How the heck did that happen? Gerald Ford, If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. So I thought I should start a website about jokes. Its almost a law. 5. If you drink, dont drive. Why dont grasshoppers play golf? "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." -Lee Trevino "Golf is my profession. "I'm the best. Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! Whats one tip all golfers should follow to improve their game? 8. Required fields are marked *. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. Because he walked into the wrong club! You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance.". Enjoy the game, enjoy these best golf jokes. Laugh more: Amusing Jokes To Tell Your Friends, What do you call a lion playing golf? Dont even putt. Dean Martin, need we say more? Wanna be my caddy? Check it out now! A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. Just 130+ Golf Jokes So Funny They're A Hole In One - Scary Mommy Please sign up with your best email address. Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. Many of them contain words and phrases that are unable to grace this slideshow. Why are golf and sex so similar? Jim Murray. He also starred with the equally late and great Walter Matthau in one of my favorite movies, Grumpy Old Men. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. 20 Of The Best Golf Quotes Ever - Golf Monthly Magazine Jennifer Wyatt, Muscular freedom is probably more important in golf than in any other sport, but very few players take the trouble to get loosened up. And that thought is: Dont think. My three keys to success: One, work hard. Gerald Ford, I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Id spent about half the day in the woods. Andy to ave a water golf ball retriever for the round with you! Keep your head down. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? He couldnt stop puttzing around! "Of course I do, my dear -- it was the day I sank that thirty-foot You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. Boo. You either need to learn to drink or take up golf. Turns out Im not a good scotch drinker. A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked a question. Two rounds a day are plenty. Could you in the moment quiet your thoughts and execute? Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. Leslie Nielsen, Mini-golf is a lot like life. Is everything okay?. Thats how long a Scotsman takes to finish a bottle of Scotch! "If everything was given to you, it wouldn't feel as good when you achieve it." Annika Sorenstam 24. The little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. 22. I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. Fantastic 4-some. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? I love the contrast between the agony of a golfer bleeding out and the ecstasy of a moment of creative genius. Clubbing. Happy Gilmore. Intercourse! Gone golfin' be back dark thirty. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" Pick the quote from here which describes your inner thought. I am a Musician. I . Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. You wont be able to keep your head down long enough. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. What do you call Jessica Alba joining you and your buddies for a round of golf? -Lee Trevino See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. Whos there? Golfs three ugliest words: Still your shot. Dave Marr, 36. You "Putt" Me In A Great Mood. The pressure originates in yourself; it builds from doubts. And maybe thats why the highs were so high and the lows felt so low. Winston S. Churchill, You ought to take more exercise if youre inclined to have a liver. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. And only one secret has emerged, one swing of thought that always works. Trust is one of the most important qualities in the game of golf. For more great quotes on life, golf and from books and authors, check out this site and this site. I've got some good news. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. If you like football - I would rather think that you are active, optimistic and strict a bit. A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella to the golf course? Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. See photos about 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes from Golf Digest If we weren't, we'd take up a less infuriating hobby, like knitting. Henny Youngman, Go play golf. GOLF DIGEST MAY EARN A PORTION OF SALES FROM PRODUCTS THAT ARE PURCHASED THROUGH OUR SITE AS PART OF OUR AFFILIATE PARTNERSHIPS WITH RETAILERS. 2. How about you be my caddy and wash my balls tonight? In the morning, the woman woke up and arose from bed. "The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.". Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? How would you like to do something I won't do for anyone on the PGA tour? That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. I stepped on a rake.". Why did Arnold Palmer get beat up? Golfs a game where you shout, FOUR! and score a seven, while writing down a five. I stepped on a rake. Henny Youngman in a high-pitched voice. I bet that hurts a whole lot worse than tennis elbow?. Dirty Golfing Quotes Joke, Sick Golfing Quotes Jokes, Funny Golfing We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. - Mickey Mantle. Chuck Hogan, Dont play too much golf. Rory McIlroy has a GOOD driver! Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Mark Twain, the famous wordsmith who also said golf is a good walk spoiled. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. It keeps you young. Patty Berg, 29. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. 21 FUNNIEST Golf Jokes 2023 (with Puts and Puns) - Jokes Quotes Factory After several minutes of pondering how to hit the shot, the old man says, You know, when I was your age, Id hit the ball right over that tree. With the challenge before him, the young man swings hard, hits the ball, watches it fly into the branches, rattle around, and land with a thud a foot from where it had started. What does a woman do with her asshole before sex? Ellis Parker Butler, When we watch pro golfers, we expect them to play well, to make the shots we know we cant, and to be entertaining. Your email address will not be published. "Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. -Bobby Jones Geoff Shackelford, Golf sits in that beautiful junction between perfection and frustration. "I'm in my bed you're in your bed ". Ben Hogan, To find a mans true character, play golf with him. Sometimes a good joke can lighten up the mood. Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Full Text: And yet another day has passed and I did not use algebra once. Damn, my shaft's all bent. 50 Greatest Golf Quotes of All Time - Bleacher Report Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. . And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing. Payne Stewart, 48. 67 GOLF INSTAGRAM CAPTIONS Funny 2021 List for Golf Lover! If a bird sh#ts on your golf cart, do not ever take her golfing again. Knock, knock ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! Do you know why the game is called golf? Fore! 19th Hole Bonus Quote: While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. My drives aren't always long and straight. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly. I have always had a drive that pushed me to try for perfection, and golf is a game that perfection stays just out of reach. Betsy Rawls, 12. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. All he knows how to play with is Clubs! So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? "Golf is like a love affair. What does a golfer do on his day off? I once played a course that was so tough, I lost two balls in the ball washer! The true funniest golf quotes of all time are likely never put to paper and aren't spoken by golfers or celebrities. Lee Trevino, 59. Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. That round was so poor, I think Im going to jump into the lake by the 16th and drown myself, I honestly doubt that. "The value of routine; trusting your swing." - Lorii Myers. One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. 21+ Best Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines - Best Jokes and Puns